ANI MOLLER: Superior Content, Hot Text

How To Please A Woman

I received this email from a man from America:

Ani, I hope I am not stepping in bounds unwelcome, but I wanted to thank you for your response, and to add to my suggestion. I remember so vividly your words on "Nice vs Asshole," and the refrain of wanting to tame a man. What if you could tame men by the thousands? I have long believed, and please forgive me if improperly so, that most so-called "lesbians" are simply women who enjoy sex, and are tired of not getting what they deserve from their hairy counterparts! In this country, a new movie just surfaced, "Coyote Ugly," in which women empower themselves with the knowledge of their sexuality, and use it to control men, pleasing them at the same time. Win-Win. What greater control mechanism than a Book? Something like, "Why Women Love Women, and How They Do It." With your rapier wit, and stupendous command of English, you could revolutionize love-making for heterosexual couples over the next few decades. Can you believe Men, getting Nair?????? Males love to see photographs, so .... The point is, you would change *Many* men, and we might even get to see Ani on American Television, promoting her book. Wouldn't That be something? Regards, you Writer You!

Of course I see the seedy undertones of this email, but obviously there is a market for explaining some things to the male readers of my site. One thing to mention though - I am (supposedly) not your typical woman, so what may work for me will not, of course, necessarily work for all.

COURTING
Stalking is, in most cases, a bad thing.
Constant emailing, calling and visiting are not the way to get the girl. Play hard to get. You want to get her thinking about you, and she won't have time to think if you're always in her face. So leave it for a few days, be a little too busy to talk to her when she calls you. Just figure out when enough is enough. See below.

If you say you'll call, call.
There is nothing more annoying than a guy that says he'll call and doesn't. Although personally, this doesn't really bug me any more, as I almost never give out my number, but I remember a few times when I have and been most annoyed when they didn't call. If you don't really like her, see below.

Don't fuck around, be honest.
If you don't want to call her, say so. If she doesn't want commitment and you do, say so. Don't just play along, be a man and be honest.

Don't buy flowers.
This is just one of my personal requests, as flowers wilt and die, but clothes, cds and sextoys last forever!

Don't forget to listen.
Not everyone wants to hear your entire life story, the history of your car and how much you adore sport. Most girls love to talk, so you better fucking listen.

SEX
Learn all you can about the female anatomy.
No man wants to be labeled a "fumbler". So learn, and practice on a plastic vagina if you need to! A guy that is confident in bed gets two thumbs up from me.

Learn from yourself.
If you like being stroked on the inside of your elbow, there's a chance she might too. If you love your neck being kissed, she probably does too. Just because she's a girl, doesn't mean she's that different. You like oral sex? She probably does too, so don't be a holdout.

Be adventurous.
Not everyone likes the same old, every day, bed sex. Christen every room in your house. Bathrooms, cupboards, wardrobes, flatmate's rooms. Cars, parks, toilet and beaches are interesting too. But take a towel to the beach, because sand-up-crack isn't very pleasant.

Clitoris, clitoris, clitoris.
I really can't stress this one enough.

The most important thing, however, is to be nice. Just because I said in an article that assholes turn me on, doesn't mean that I want to be with them more than for one night. On the flipside, you could take this too far and become fake. You don't want that. Be yourself, and if she doesn't like that, then you're probably a retard and you should get to know Mrs Palmer a bit better.