Workmates = Retards
18 October 2007Intern Tui here again.
As a rule, all workmates tend to be retarded. But my god, I have one in particular who manages to rub me so far up the wrong way my hair stands on end just at the thought of him.
Now, I have a thing with personal space. As a general rule, unless I know you well it makes me very uncomfortable when people come into my personal space. My lovely workmate, lets call him Bob, seems to be the complete opposite in regard to this. I kid you not, he will come up to your desk and stand less than 30cm away and then bend down so that his face is within centimeters of yours and will proceed to breathe his rotten coffee breath all over you whilst asking you questions that someone who gets paid twice as much as you should not need to ask.
As if his bad breath isn’t enough to make you recoil in disgust when you are near him, I used to be lucky enough to sit next to him and at frequent intervals throughout the day my nostrils would be invaded with his farts wafting by my desk. These farts are a result of him drinking at least 5 cups of instant coffee, a can of coke plus some sort of lovely unhealthy concoction for lunch per day.
He’s one of those people that looks like he never spends any time outside, instead I am 99% sure he spends all his time at home in front of his computer looking up dirty internet sites. My conclusion of him looking at dirty sites is by no means unfounded as a.) every time “Boobs on Bikes” are in town, he mysteriously disappears for a few hours and then comes back and tries to do a very poor cover up by complaining of all the “silly people watching the parade blocking his walk to the shops” and b.) I was fortunate enough to mistakenly found smutty photos on his c drive while doing a search for work related files (what kind of person has porn on their work computer?!).
For someone who gets paid as well as he does you would expect that he was enthusiastic about his job and really put in the hard yards to earn his salary. Not Bob, he skives off work at any chance he can get. For example, if everyone senior to him has left for the afternoon he will sneak off and get the early bus home. He also keeps his own tally of his sick days taken to ensure every sick day he is allowed is used up before his year anniversary rolls over. God forbid he would actually miss out on using every last one of them up. I think in the first six months that he has been at my work, he had taken more sick days than I have taken in my 3 years that I’d been there. He actually averages about one sick day a month. That is one sickly guy right there.
A few more lovely habits of his are; standing at your desk tapping his pen constantly while he talks to you, going and gazing out the window for minutes on end in order to have less work time, saying he is going out for a “quick sandwich” and not returning until hours later and leaving between 15 and 20 minutes early most days. Anyway, you get the general idea.
And just to prove that I’m not a completely irrational person who judges people unfairly, I asked another workmate (a non retarded one) to describe in one sentence what they truly thought of Bob. This is what they said: “Bob is a sly, weird behaving and looking creature with disgusting eating habits, weird sense of humor and the smelliest breath I have ever smelt.”
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Comments
Thank goodness animoller is working. Not that there is anything new, but I like to check.
Your workmate sounds interesting, Tui. Argh! How do you not kill him?