I'm A Terrible Reformed Smoker
2 April 2006I gave up smoking five years ago and became an awful reformed smoker. The kind that lectured smoker friends and didn’t like going out to bars that were really smoky and actually thought it was a disgusting habit.
But I have a secret.
For the past two months I have been smoking. This is really weird, because when I gave up smoking five years ago, I actually gave up smoking. I didn’t go through any relapses aside from scabbing the odd cigarette when shitfaced at a bar and the night I realised I was getting divorced when I smoked an entire packet. But two months ago I was in Belgium and saw a pack of Davidoff cigarettes. They were only €3.50 and because I’d never seen them before I really wanted to try them. I was compelled. I kept buying them.
Now I’m back in New Zealand and have rediscovered the glorious taste that is Port Royal roll-your-owns. I remembered how much I enjoy putting a super slim filter to my lips, getting a yellow Zig-Zag and some tobacco and rolling it gently. Rolling it until it was a perfect thin rod of cancer-causing love meat. Then licking it from the middle to the right and then the middle to the left. And after appreciating how nice my new cigarette looks, I get to light it and taste it. Mmm.
I feel guilty. I’m not supposed to enjoy the taste. I’m not supposed to feel guilty about ticking “non-smoker” on employment forms. I’ve never had a relapse before.
Smoking is just too dangerous. I should do heroin instead.
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Comments
do heroin if you want to die now…smoke if you want to die later
So you are a theoretical nonsmoker now? g
Wait ‘till you discover the glorious taste that is green American Spirits. Yum.
Whenever I try to quit, I start smelling too many things in public transportation. For now I just keep the count really low during the week, and I barely suffer from the urge. Saves oodles of money too.
I know how you feel, I started smoking again a month ago. Now I’m the one getting all the dirty looks and snide remarks from my friends.
But deep down inside I don’t care what anyone says – I’m enjoying my addiction.
you stink now you realise, i started smoking again when I was in New zealand, weird rum and something flavoured tobacco but I managed to give up within the nine months I was there. And no dam kiwis would give me a job no matter how long my cv was. Ok, so they did employ me in the downtown backpackers kitchen eventually and reluctantly which was fun.
Hey, did you get back on the waggon? Or are you still banging on that cancer-causing love meat?